The “Awkward” Stage
True story… On the wedding slideshow that played at our rehearsal dinner, I made my mom exclude pictures of me when I was about 10 until I was about 17…
Meet middle school Carli in all her awkward glory… (You’re welcome.)
I had what I would consider the LONGEST AWKWARD stage of all time. (My parents try to deny, but the proof is in the photos!) Honestly, it was bad, y’all, but it’s funny to look back at now.
Even as an adult, years later, I worried about people seeing pictures of me and wondering what they would think. I was chubby (in some seasons more than a little chubby) and always bigger, taller, and stronger than all of my friends. I had a weird thing going on with my bangs in middle school, there was a short phase that butterfly hair clips were in, and for some VERY bizarre reason, cargo pants and chunky brown AE shoes were considered cool. I mean, y’all I JUST DON’T KNOW.
But here’s the thing -- As funny/silly/embarrassing and (just plain ridiculous) some of those photos are, they don’t define a single thing about me (other than maybe bad fashion sense).
Having funky hair didn’t make me less intelligent…
Being a tomboy didn’t make me less beautiful…
Being stronger than the boys in my class didn’t make me less girly…
Being chubby didn’t make me unworthy of love, or anything else!
You see, the lens I was looking at those photos with was the wrong lens.
I was looking at those memories with a filter of what the world might see on the surface (an awkward, chubby, self-conscious, weird girl) instead of what I could see (a strong, capable, tenderhearted, shy girl looking for her place and enjoying life).
These photos were joyful memories, but rather than focusing on that, I so often looked at them with disdain, paying attention only to the surface instead of the beauty of the memories.
I’ve been making an effort for a few years now to look at my life and to view myself through a lens of grace, of joy, of hope, of truth.
I hope I can encourage you to do the same: To view yourself and your life through a lens of grace and unending love from the only One who can offer it -- the God of the universe. He’s designed and crafted every single cell of you on purpose; YOU are a work of art to Him. Every strand of hair, every muscle, every freckle, every bit of you is delightful to Him because He made you. You matter, sis, even with your awkward hair and funky clothes.
So be honest, which lens are you viewing yourself and your life through? The one the world suggests that requires perfection? Or one that is unchanging -- the one with promises & love of a God who designed you on purpose?
